A Mother's Work Is Never Done
by BitShifter
Summary: Just a goofy short. Featuring John Steed, Emma Peel, Cathy Gale, Tara King, Purdey, Mike Gambit, and many others.


**"A Mother's Work Is Never Done"**

An Avengers Fanfiction

**Disclaimer:** Some copyrighted characters have been borrowed

**Time:** The future?

**At an English country manor**

A bulky figure sat troubled in his wheelchair at an elegant country house in Sussex. He was not alone; on either side of him were two distinguished-looking gentlemen who leaned on walking-sticks, silent and pensive. They all seemed at a loss to handle the scene that played out before them. Only the blonde Amazon attendant, cheerful in her tight yellow sweater and white shorts, seemed unconcerned. The man in the wheelchair finally spoke.

"I know we've gotten in the habit of calling them diabolical masterminds," Mother began. "But this is _truly_ diabolical."

The parlor contained a group of nine children running around in circles, screaming with laughter. They appeared to be somewhere between the ages of three and five.

Mother shook his head. "We should have investigated all of Krelmar's colleagues years ago... To think that one of them should have invented such a potent reverse-aging drug!"

One-Ten nodded. "He must have slipped it into their alcoholic beverages."

"Poor blighters," Mother said. "They never stood a chance."

"Our scientists tell us the effect should only be temporary, " McKay added, trying to sound hopeful.

"Ah, yes, Thomas, but for how long?" Mother slapped his armrest for emphasis. "And more importantly, are they still potty-trained?"

McKay looked on grimly. "I suppose we'll find out soon enough."

A multi-way tug-of-war was going on with three young girls surrounding a dark-haired boy. The blonde had one arm, the brunette the other, and the auburn-haired girl was tugging on his waistband.

"Johnny's going to play with me!" Tara yelled.

"No! Me-e-e-e!" Emma shouted.

Cathy yanked vigorously. "I saw him first!"

Next to them, a waifish blond with her hair cropped in a short bob was astride a young boy's back. He crawled around on his hands and knees as she jabbed her heels into his sides and pulled at his collar.

"Mikey's a pony!" she shouted gleefully. "Giddy-up!"

"Purdey!" McKay scolded, "Stop riding Gambit."

A fair-haired girl in a striped jumper was being carried horizontally by two young boys—one of them at her head, holding her wrists; the other holding her feet.

"She's severely injured," Davey said solemnly.

"Transport her to the operating theatre!" Marty commanded.

Venus giggled. "They're going to cut me open!"

Mother turned his wheelchair to face One-Ten.

"Thanks for letting us use your manor house. I knew that you had retired to the country several years ago, so I thought we might impose."

"Quite right. We can't let anyone see them in this condition. It would completely undermine all confidence in the Ministry."

"As well as let the baddies know that there's no one at the switch," McKay chimed in.

One-Ten watched as the tykes slowly destroyed his rug. "There's a small play area outside set up for my nieces and nephews," he ventured. "Perhaps it would be safest to herd them out there?"

"A reverse-aging chemical," Mother sighed. "Rhonda, where could anyone find the money to fund such an effort?"

Rhonda shrugged. She started to answer when McKay piped up.

"Our intelligence reports indicate it's a consortium. They're seeking revenge against our agents and operatives. Seems they finally got fed up with nearly two decades of being foiled—with style!"

Tara had jumped on Johnny piggyback. Cathy had hold of one of his legs and Emma the other.

"Like hyenas on a wounded gazelle," Mother commented. "I would say 'poor Steed', but I think he rather likes it."

Venus started running in a wide circle around the room. "_London Bridge is falling down!_" she bellowed off-key. "_Falling down, falling down!_"

Mother looked over his shoulder. "Where have Gambit and Purdey gotten to?"

Venus stopped singing. "Mikey's teaching her how to play doctor!"

Mother spun his wheelchair. "Good heavens!"

"Marty and Davey went with them," she added.

Rhonda wheeled Mother over towards the laughing sounds that were coming from behind the sofa. Under the first-aid supervision of Doctors Keel and King, Gambit had used a blanket to bandage Purdey up like a mummy, covering everything from her nose downward. A muffled voice came from under the wool.

"Mmiieeeyy! Lll geh yuu!"

"We have to keep the patient warm," the doctors explained.

"Unwrap her this instant!" Mother ordered.

"Trouble here," One-Ten called from near the French doors. Mother spun his wheelchair around again. Emma had found a container of white poster paint and was brushing it through Tara's hair.

"No!" Mother cried. "We'll never get that out."

McKay shook his head. "She'll have to wear a wig..."

Cathy had pulled several volumes from the bookcase and was busy making corrections with a purple crayon. One-Ten rushed over just in time to rescue a first-edition Dickens.

"They're like a nine-headed doomsday machine," he mumbled, exasperated, as he guided her towards the play area outdoors.

Johnny raided the toy box and found a wind-up robot. "Lookie!" He had stripped the clothes from an old doll and dressed the mechanical man in a coat, sunglasses, scarf and hat. As it lumbered across the floor, Johnny followed along behind it making whip-crack noises.

"What's that supposed to be?" Mother puzzled. "A cyber... tot?

"_Row, row, row your boat,_" Venus warbled, "_gently down the stre-e-e-eam!_"

Purdey was now free of her bindings and was busy taking revenge on Mikey and the two doctors, aiming wicked kicks at their backsides. Rhonda was trying to intercede before any real injury was inflicted. Cathy had wandered through the French doors just like One-Ten had ordered, and was now busy digging holes in the garden with a trowel.

"I found a fossil!" She held up an old bottlecap.

One-Ten's mouth hung open in alarm as he saw the holes. "My prize roses!" He hurried out to intercept her. "You're supposed to be in the play area!"

Johnny and Emma had found two sticks and were whacking them like swords.

"Allez!" he cried.

"Parry Coule!" she countered.

"Quarte!"

"_Quinte!_" Emma shouted. "_Riposte!_" Their match ended in a draw as both sticks broke in two and went flying.

"They remember French?" McKay asked. "And how to fence? How can they remember some things and not others?"

Rhonda had enforced the peace on the other side of the room by distributing juice in small plastic containers. Purdey, Gambit, and the two doctors were sucking it down greedily.

"Don't give them so much to drink!" Mother cautioned. "We'll wind up with a surfeit of... H2O!"

Venus had discovered a harmonica in the toy box and was playing as loud as she could by sliding it from side to side across her mouth.

One-Ten covered his ears. "They remember how to fence, but Venus can't carry a tune in a bucket? Where's the justice in that?"

Rhonda finally managed to corral all of the children into the outdoor play area, but they hadn't slowed down in the least. Cathy was spinning Johnny on the roundabout when Tara urgently tugged on her jumper. "Wrong way! Anti-clockwise! Anti-clockwise!"

Emma ran up from behind. "Let's play Super Secret Agent!" She dumped a bucket of sand over Tara's head.

McKay winced. "Emma really seems to have it in for Tara."

Davey had completely buried Marty's foot in a thick mound of mud. "Pretend your foot is broke, and this'll fix it."

"But I can't move it!" Marty wailed.

Davey nodded. "It needs to be that way for six weeks."

Cathy and Emma stood with hands on hips, jealously watching as Steed brushed the sand out of Tara's hair. "It's not fair," Cathy said. "Let's get some rope and tie Johnny up, so we can make him do things for us, too."

Purdey was on the swing, with Mikey pushing her. "Higher!" she commanded. "Higher!"

Mikey laughed evilly. "You asked for it, Purdey-girl."

He gave a massive heave, propelling the swing to near-horizontal. Purdey flew out of the seat with her blonde hair blown straight back.

Mother thrust his hand to his mouth in concern. "She'll break her neck!"

Purdey effortlessly grabbed one of the bars on the jungle gym as she sailed past, spinning around twice before dismounting for a perfect landing. She gave a dramatic bow.

"Thank goodness she's acrobatic," McKay breathed.

Tara had picked up a decorative brick and was banging it against the pipes on the jungle gym. Cathy joined in with the garden trowel. Venus started dancing to the beat.

One-Ten frowned. "These people were capable of outrageous violence and destruction at the best of times. As children, there is no limit to the amount of damage they can do. We'll be lucky if my family mansion isn't reduced to a smoking hole in the ground."

Rhonda stepped to the opening of the French doors. The three men gasped in amazement as she spoke in a clear, loud voice.

"Nap time!"

The children froze, mesmerized. They dutifully trudged back to the house, towards the matting that Rhonda had spread out on the floor.

"Incredible!" Mother said.

Purdey leaned against a pile of stuffed animals and Mikey snuggled next to her, his head in her lap. Marty, Venus, and Davey stretched out side by side in the middle of the room. Emma, Cathy, and Tara had formed a dogpile on top of Johnny.

"Interesting how they gravitate, even in child form," McKay observed.

Rhonda quietly returned to the wheelchair, careful not to disturb the sleeping tykes. Mother breathed a sigh of relief.

"Little imps," One-Ten said. "Hard to believe they've saved the free world a dozen times over."

Emma shifted in her sleep, wrapping her arm protectively around Tara.

"Maybe she doesn't have it in for her after all," McKay conceded.

Mother pursed his lips. "Perhaps we could slip a little something in their juice when they wake up."

"To counteract the youth potion?" McKay asked. "We don't have the antidote yet."

"To counteract their energy!" Mother fired back. "Something to tranquilize them."

A loud snapping noise came from the floor.

"S-Something's happening!" One-Ten stammered.

McKay took a step backward. "Good Lord! It's wearing off!"

The room was suddenly filled with the sound of jumpers tearing and elastic waistbands popping.

"The togs we dressed them in!" One-Ten cried. "They can't stand up to the strain!"

Mother whirled around. "For heaven's sake, Rhonda! Don't just stand there chatting. Fetch some blankets!"

A petite blonde had appeared naked on the floor, her arms and legs intertwined in a sandwich between two men.

"Eek!" Venus squealed. "I don't have any clothes on!"

The two men rolled over and gave her an appraising look.

"It's okay," they said in unison. "We're doctors."

Purdey looked down and saw a naked man resting his head in her lap. She recognized the dark hair immediately and set her mouth into a firm line.

"Mike Gambit!"

He looked up past her bare breasts and gave her a big smile.

"I don't know what they slipped in my drink," Gambit remarked wryly, "but I'd like more."

John Steed was sprawled in the middle of the floor with three nude women draped on top of him. He was in serious danger of being smothered by a wall of bosoms. The women stirred to life in a swirl of auburn, blonde, and brunette hair.

Their expressions of alarm changed to warm smiles as they saw Steed sleeping peacefully. All three immediately adopted a demure pose, with one arm across their chest and one hand between their thighs.

"They're all back to normal size!" McKay exclaimed, then turned his head in embarrassment at the sight of Cathy's pendulous breasts. "Er—so to speak."

The three women's stares were locked on Steed's lower body, their eyes wide in wonder. Tara was speechless, unconsciously licking her lips. Emma shouldered in next to her.

"That's a sight one's not likely to forget," she commented.

Cathy nodded in begrudging approval. Mother quickly raised his hand to shield Rhonda's eyes.

John Steed woke up and yawned, stretching his arms out to the side. With a sudden shock he realized his own state of undress. He took one look at the nude women surrounding him, then put his hands behind his head and leaned back with a contented sigh.

"My lifetime of good deeds has finally paid off!" Steed grinned. "I'm in Heaven!"

o-o-o-o


End file.
